How do I tell my child that the moon, sun or other celestial bodies don’t follow us home at all? His image of his mother would be tarnished forever and I do not want to be the reason for that.
He still asks for her at night. These days he sleeps in my bed because “Mommy didn’t come to chase the monsters away.” I tell him to pray for her. I tell him she said she loved him before she died. I hear him when he’s alone. He pretends to talk to her.
I also think of her sometimes. I try to make up excuses so I can come to terms with why she left us – why she left me. I still don’t understand these things.
It’s been eight months and three weeks since she married Ade. Her friends usually come around to console me but they leave pieces of my heart and their clothing on my bedroom floor. Teni is different. Teni used to bring me food before she started coming to cook on weekends. She tells me I’m a good man, then she cleans my littered floors. I like to think my heart likes being touched by her. She’s the only one that knows how to fix me.
Bolu still calls her ‘Mommy’s friend.’ I wish he’d drop the title. It makes me feel awkward. I can tell she feels the same way too.
She hasn’t told me but I know she would rather have one out of the two names.
Will it be ‘Mommy’ or will it be ‘friend?’