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Borrow Borrow, When Will You Pay Back?

Based on popular demand, I have decided to write a blog post to drag some people’s edges today.

If you are a chronic debtor, this post is for you.

Is this woman talking to me?

Yes, you, papinko jabalaya.

You’re looking at me with side eye. I no dey fear you.

If you’re reading this article, it is very likely that someone you are owing money subbed you on a social media post and your amebo carried you here.

I just want to say that if you are owing anyone money in this economy, you are a wicked person. No matter how small the amount may be, kindly PAY IT BACK.

Don’t use “boss,” “rich woman,” “rich man,” “my rich friend,” “oga mi,” “my helper,” “comrade,” and related hailings to owe anybody. If you committed to a refund at a said time and date, keep to your word. Don’t be an unfortunate person and allow the person you borrowed from start calling you incessantly. Why does anyone even have to remind you to pay back a debt? At your big age and shoe size?

When nobody gives you anything next time, you will say it is pride.

If you do not have a refund plan, its’s pretty simple. DO NOT BORROW. Instead, ask the lender to willingly give/dash you before you collect the money, not two weeks or three months after.

For selfless people that will rather give out their last dime than send on personal needs, debtors have a way of making them feel stupid.

Here are some things to never say to a person you owe:

  • The money I am expecting has not come in
  • Na because of 5k you dey call me like sey I hold your life?
  • Country hard
  • Omo, e get as e be
  • I should have never borrowed this money
  • Respect yourself please, I will pay you in due time

Especially if you will be drinking wine and going to expensive places on Instagram, these excuses dun mek no sense.

Another class of people are the ones who borrow and pay back part of the money. Sorry, who will complete it?

Omo you know how country dey” is really for you and your Umunna.

Repent ye of your heinous crimes this day saith I, the Messenger of Refunds.

Be a good citizen, pick up your phone and refund that money now (with a lirru I’m sorry for theatric effects).


Now, let us talk about people with big eyes. Oló Júkòkòrò.

When people give you access and you move mad, they will revoke it faster than you know. Why will you go somewhere new like someone’s office or house and “make yourself comfortable”?

See, even a 5-year-old knows that “make yourself comfortable” is a myth.

You’re in someone’s private space for the first time and you are opening fridge and looking for what you did not keep. Opening pot, sizing their clothes and shoes. Using things you can either never buy for yourself or won’t replace.

Omo, the person might not say anything but lobatan oh. You will never hear from them again.

For these things to happen, you have to be reaaallllly close. If you are not close, sit won place.

Special shout-out to people who put others in tight corners by asking for personal items like shoes or wigs or outfits. Who raised you? You don’t know what contentment is?

If they borrow you now, you will slim-fit before you return.

Last one, I promise.

If you are in a public place, try dey get your own water. Corona is outside. How you people are comfortable asking random people for “a sip of water” beats me. The person that brought their own water does not have two heads. If they even tell you it’s lemon-infused or one tin one tin, you will still collect and drink. Tueh.

Change your ways, dear. It’s 2022.

Poems,

Vingt

The leaves still rustle when the wind yawns.
The stillness is short lived.
Temper. Temper and controlled storms.
A million bottles of hearts that grieve.
There is beauty in your soul’s brain.
Matchless pairs make up your being.
You are unaware that gold flows through your veins.
Such sanity will cause a stone to sing.
Vingt.
The wounded crawl into hiding once again.
Petals wither at the hour before dawn.
Bleed the oil lamps and drop the curtains attached to the frames.
Then the green light will flood in from the cracked window screen.
20ème
We will slowly rekindle the dousing flame from the beam.
It’s time.

Poems,

Poem

I want to live in that moment all over again.
For the first time in a long time I haven’t felt pain
I wish I was strong enough
To lift not one but both of us
Two different hearts set on fire.
This is love, there’s no denial
Even though I might not show it
It’s my heart, you kind of own it.
And yes you have to share it
‘cuz it was broken and I’ll tear it
But you’re mine and no one else’s
And I’ll hurt anyone that vexes
So someday, I’ll be strong enough
To lift not one but both of us
(12 April 2013)

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