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My NYSC Camp Experience – Part 3

Hi Gems!

Sorry for the long wait. I have been bee-sea. This is the third and final part of my camp experience saga. Read the previous one here.

Ready? Here we go.

Remember the toastee that got us punished because we could not locate her toaster? Right. After that day, she made so many enemies. Almost all corp members had something hurtful to say about her.

As for the toaster, I bin no dey there but they said they found him sleeping in the hostel and the entire matter died down because “power pass power.”

On to the next one.

I hear people say camp was fun and things. LOL. It wasn’t until I left that I realized that I didn’t really make a lot of friends in camp. If not for my Red Cross members, am die.

Red oooooh.

Also, there was terrible network so I was completely absent online.

For three weeks, I was a stranger, even to my platoon members. We what? We move.

My favorite part of my camp experience was my Red Cross meetings, the weather, and the food.

The meetings made us feel like superheroes. We had to wake up earlier than every other corp member, even earlier than OBS, to prepare for the day. People were even collapsing in early morning parades, no jokes. The most common reason for the collapse was asthma sha, the rest of them were just malingering.

The only annoying part about Red Cross-ing was when other corp members would yell at us at the slightest opportunity. One full-grown man even asked me to rub his butt in the middle of a football match.

If you don’t geddifok!

Inside life.

The weather in the camp was extreme. If it wanted to be cold, it would almost snow. If heat wan dey, everywhere go dey boil. I still loved it like that sha.

FOOD! If you know me well, you’ll know that my middle name is food and that it is even on my birth certificate.

I gained weight in camp, no lies. Half of the space in my box was occupied with snacks and drinks. I couldn’t risk getting hungry abeg. I even had to give out my leftover snacks because I couldn’t finish it alone.

Mammy became my favorite place the day I discovered that Banga soup was sold there. (God bless Niger Delta Kitchen, Aunty Becky and Blessed Samuel).

I asked a lot of questions pre-camp in this post. Yes, I found good toilets. Yes, there was water (but I had to pay for hot water.) I carried enough wipes, had to pay to charge my phones and other devices. Person bin exchange my jungle boots but I got a kind fella to swap one that fit with me. Nothing else was stolen. No yogurt in camp (because NutriMilk is milk juice, not yogurt.) Yes, I survived the weather (use sunscreen guys), and I took my hair in twists to camp.

Note to PCMs. If you’re the quiet type and want to enjoy camp, please join Red Cross or OBS. If you want plenty of friends, better march with your platoon and attend morning drills. Please don’t lie that you’re sick when you’re not. E nuh make no sense.

Carry money oh, my people. Or better still, look for camp wife/husband. People were kuku looking for others to spend on. I hope they are all fine wherever they are right now.

My mates were giving laundry guys their clothes to wash and I was using ice to wash mine every day. Leemao. Please, carry enough whites if you are a dirty person.

This one is important. Make friends with everyone, especially the officials and soldiers. Keep your big man at home.

The last one, don’t talk too much. You don’t know who is who. The fact that you’re all wearing khaki does not mean you all are mates. Respect yourself and stay outta trouble.

My camp was okay. Sadly, Davido was in town but he didn’t come to my camp. I would have said “maybe next time” but there is no next time plix.

Tomorrow is my birthday! I will be attending a Corona Virus sensitization program (by force) instead of turning up. Send prayers (and funds)!

[For real, I have a PiggyVest account oh. Go to Twitter and flex me. My handle is @thejasminejade]

E go be. ✌🏾

Thank you for reading. Stay shiny!

Your favorite jewel,

** OBS – Orientation Broadcast Service

** PCMs – Prospective Corp Members

Blog Posts,

My NYSC Camp Experience – Part 1

Hey Gems!

Noticed I’ve been offline, yeah?

I have been in camp oh. I’m going to leave you to guess where I was posted to after you finish reading this rant.

It’s my 13th day in this place but I feel like I’ve been here for months. I’ve gone from waking up by 7/8AM to waking up by 2:50AM just so I don’t do early morning frog jumps.

The weather here na die. Very confused. One minute, we’re Eskimos and the next, we’re Tuaregs.

When I came to camp, I sharply located the Red Cross Society and joined them. I cannot come and kill myself. 😩

My platoon members don’t even know me. Talmbout “are you in this platoon?” every time I go for meetings. 🙄🙄🙄

After the first week, the camp food stopped being interesting to me. I don’t know who started stealing their ingredients. Mammy is now my bestie.

I had suya some days ago and it reminded me of home so much that I wanted to scale the fence.

Remember my last NYSC blog post where I pre-complained about the toilets? I am happy to announce that I have a favourite toilet here. Gbogbo big girls and slay mamas don’t flush the others some times.

There are camp couples everywhere. Boys are spending. Girls are eating!

So far, I haven’t served any punishments because I’m a sharp geh.

I’m writing this in such a hurry so forgive the brevity. I promise the next one will be longer.

While you wait, here’s a picture of me in my white x white.Where do you think Nigeria posted me to? Let me know in the comments!

Blog Posts,


Hey Gems!

This is my first official blog post. I know you’re used to all the poetry, fiction (and non-fiction) that I keep serving you guys. Thought I’d try something different today. So, here we are.

Today, I want to talk about NYSC. Yes yes, Youth Service. I have so many unanswered questions about the thing eh. Like why? Why do I have to leave my comfort zone for a year just to prove to Nigerians that I went to a higher institution? Why, oh why?

Corper Weeeeeee

I’ve figured that the best things I have achieved in this my life were done when I left my comfort zone. I’m not a fan of adventure like that like that, but I look forward to adjusting to a totally new environment – and yes, leaving my comfort zone again and again.

I really don’t know where Nigeria will troway me for the next 365 days, but I hope I’ll be able to grow my art, my career, and change lives – even if it’s one person’s life. I’m looking to join literary bodies or creating one if there’s none in existence in the area.

Lord plis, let the toilets be usable. I lowkey wish I could carry my house toilet to camp. No lies. So many things are fuelling my anxiety. Will the water be clean enough? Will it be too cold to bath with? How many packs of wet wipes will I be allowed to carry? Will there be constant electricity? Will I be offline because of poor network? What about thieves? Will they steal my provisions while I sleep? Do they sell FreshYo in camp? Will I survive the weather? What should I do with my hair, edakun?

God abeg.

I haven’t even packed, but I’m sure that chin-chin and biscuits will fill half of my box. No time.

So, NYSC, bring it on! (In other words, please be nice 😪 ) Who knows? Someone like Davido might magically appear in my camp to spice things up.

OBO Baddest

Have you served Nigeria yet? Let me know what to look forward to in the comments abeg.

Tainzz so much.

The Jewel,

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